[2:31:46 PM] ballpunch: aaron copy pasted the convo he had with marty after you left and it pointed towards you telling marty private skewed shitty stories about me to bolster his arguments
[2:32:01 PM] ballpunch: would you like to defend yourself or should i just delete you again now?
[2:33:02 PM] ballpunch: this is like Justin all over again
[2:33:20 PM] ballpunch: Marty has all the internet fuckers who are asshurt about me, in the world to tell marty im a bad bad girl
[2:34:53 PM] ballpunch: if you could see the expression on his face..the sound of his voice when hed shoo me out the door on the way to the bank to get his money, it would leave a lump in my throat which id try as hard as i could to swallow, my brain burning with questions, why the fuck is he acting like this, warning warning, pay attention he is acting fucking weird, awhich i ignored because i thought of the laternative, which was that I was alone and had no one
[2:35:02 PM] ballpunch: id go home after such excursions and sob myself to sleep
[2:35:15 PM] ballpunch: and yet willingly do it again for a chance to be near him
[2:35:34 PM] ballpunch: i think the bank limit was 400
[2:35:47 PM] ballpunch: and i think in total we went 7 times
[2:35:48 PM] ballpunch: 2800
[2:36:17 PM] ballpunch: sometimes hed be nice and give me 20 bucks to g do drugs with downtown
[2:36:29 PM] ballpunch: like my fucked up daddy or somthing peeling off a bill from a stack of them
[2:36:34 PM] ballpunch: i loved that they were american
[2:36:40 PM] ballpunch: it made it all seem much more like TV
[2:37:00 PM] ballpunch: it's easier to have someone treat you like garbage when you can pretend it's not real
[2:38:31 PM] ballpunch: he acted so nervous when I first met him at the bus station in manhattan, scared i wouldnt like him or find him attractive, he even blurted out some question about whether or not i liked him or the way he looked. I forget exactly.. my heart melted i thought oh this poor insecure thing
[2:38:40 PM] ballpunch: i adore him more than life itself and he thinks i don't like him
[2:39:13 PM] ballpunch: i guess for some reason I had mistaken that for him liking me back
[2:39:19 PM] ballpunch: i thought he cared if i liked him because he liked me
[2:39:34 PM] ballpunch: thats a natural assumption to make i thought
[2:40:49 PM] ballpunch: when he leaned down his neck in bed and kissed me for the first time, it was all I could do not to cry in happiness, i felt completely emotionally flooded with wellbeing/excitement stupid little girl thoughts aloing the lines of omg he does like me he really does
[2:44:35 PM] ballpunch: it was the best sex I've ever had and when he pulled away from me so abruptly, physically, mentally afterwards, like for ever afterwards.. he took something from me he ripped away something really good and left me alone again with the horribly mauled festering wound/scar Justin had made,.... it was like when Justin left marty came in and smothered that hurt with himself. Protected me from it and when he pulled away he ripped it all open again
[2:45:38 PM] ballpunch: he made me feel so very small and worthless
[2:45:43 PM] ballpunch: with his words
[2:45:50 PM] ballpunch: so many times
[2:46:07 PM] ballpunch: so many times id go home to brooklyn and cry myself to sleep
[2:46:28 PM] ballpunch: over marty
[2:47:17 PM] ballpunch: when I cry now it is more a desperate whimpering, and a slight tremble