I don't know what the fuck I was thinking trying to befriend you. last night reminded me precisely why this won't work.

I am overwhelmed with anxiety and sadness when confronted with the reality of your disinterest in me. completely overwhelmed.

I spent 2 hours trying to fall asleep after that, trembling and trying to blink away hot tears that kept falling anyway.

I have to push you away, I must have distance from you I can't be around when you find someone you will touch and love.

I hate the way you make me feel worthless, and then stupid for feeling worthless. pathetic and lame for caring about someone who doesn;t want me.

temp doesnt even understand at all why i'd be interested in someone who doesn't want me.. easy for her to say how often do you think it's happenmed to her?

I don't want people who don't want me and had you expressed that at the begenning I wouldnt be where I am today.

youre too thick in the head to understand any of it which frustrated me and humiliates me. YOu cant see how I spent 2 years fighting for something you were neither interested in nor aware nor the least bit concerned that I was wasting all my energy on it..you loved the fucking attention you asshole...this is where the hating you part comes in because i KNOW what happened and it makes me lose so much respect for you.

part of why I love you so much is that youre a good person but this isnt good, what you did is NOT good.

everytime i saw I was failing id be hurt
everytime i tried to show yu I loved you and you didnt return the sentiment it felt like you were burning me with fire from inside my chest.
beating me in the face
kicking me

you have this idea in my head that I need some guy to be around me 24/7 telling me how great I am and giving me attention.

you couldnt be any more wrong.

both brian and justin my 2 longterm relationships describe me as independent.

if you loved me i wouldnt care what your sl tag said
i wouldnt care who you hung out with
i wouldnt be jealous


after 2 years of chasing you in vain, ALL OF IT MATTERS
all of it hurts
every single fucking thing is a reminder of how i failed and how i hurt and how i cant have you
all of it

it will all be over soon
the hurt and pain
the tragedy of this shit fucking thing I call a life.

I'm spending my last week with drew, it's all about her.

i refuse to spend another year untouched and unloved

i refuse to feel like this another year.,.

i held on when i did for you and you failed me.
ill never forgive you.