| show details Jun 28 (2 days ago) |
i dont want you to feel that I am making this decision completely without you i wish you could see my side of this and how ridiculous it is for me to continue trying to be your friend...I fucking hate myself every time i snap at you and i cant help it..im so bitter and resentful that it didnt work out i just get hurt so easily by anything you say and then snap at you, this dynamic can exist in no other way right now...im sorry im not a better person, if i were im sure youd have had more interest :(
i know youre going through a hard time right now but so am I and you wont let me be more of a support for you and dont have time to be one for me... if ever you could find time to visit anyone it will be your daughter and ex and not my and drew which is good thats how it should be but i need someone who wants to come visit ME, someone who misses talking to me as much as I miss talking to them, everything has always been one sided and it fucking hurts and i cant do ity any more...i cant hate myself like this any more..I have to love myself and treat myself with respect and part of that is not chasing after unrealistic love..
goodbye, I know youre going to do great things, i wish I could have been a part of them <3
This is the misspelled quickly drafted "last letter ever" to Marty.
We've had a few of those over the years haven't we?
You haven't written back or called, I guess you finally understand how important this is?
I just don't know.
I find it helpful to re read this letter everytime I miss you, everytime I want to email you or call you or add you back to my IM and message you.. SO far it's been a lot.
last night everything felt fine for a bit, I wasn't thinking of anything in particular, just watching a movie, maybe a scene or something happened I thought of telling you about i dont remember now , what I do remember is this overwhelming revelation that I can never talk to you again, that you are truly not going to be a part of my life in any capacity any more..
I feel literally sick and cold and terrified at the very notion. I cried so violently I shook and trembled and resisted the urge to call you.
This is more reason to continue what I started in my opinion.
No one should feel dependent on anyone ever.
although we all do, don't we?
